You Know You're A Horny Pagan If...

  1. Your magick wand vibrates.

  2. You are spherical and come in sets of 2.

  3. Your magickal oils are flavored.

  4. You think all magick is sex magic.

  5. Your altar has silk sheets.

  6. Your chalice is fur-lined.

  7. Your altar candles are anatomically correct.

  8. Your binding rituals involve handcuffs.

  9. Your magic wands have French ticklers on the ends.

  10. Your High Priest/ess wears a leather mask.

  11. The wax from your candles ends up on your nipples.

  12. You consider KY Jelly an altar tool.

  13. Your chants contain phrases like "Oh my God/ess I'm coming!"

  14. You're skyclad all the time.

  15. Your broomstick has stains on it.

  16. The white blobs on your altar isn't candle wax .

  17. Your book of shadows includes the Kama Sutra.

  18. You need a cigarette after every ritual.

  19. Your altar candles are studded or ribbed.

  20. Your robes look like a French Maid costume.

  21. Your ritual music is sung by Madonna

  22. You find yourself using a phallic wand to call down the goddess several times a night.

  23. You ask a Satanist if you can just "borrow" a sacrificial animal

  24. You start having great cyber-rites.

  25. You keep having to charge the batteries in your wand.

  26. You have Fertility Rites a couple times a week/twice on Sabbats.

  27. You automatically "assume the position" every time your High Priest/ess comes in the room.

Click here to submit ideas for new entries to the list.

Click here to view site policies.

Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

Pledge your donations here.
100% of all donations to Turoks.Net will be spent on having a good time.