The Mission

A group of brave missionaries set out deep into the wild jungle to save the souls of the poor, misguided tribes there. After several days of walking they hear some voices ahead and come into a village. To their horror, they realise that the meal being served on the table is - or was - a human. Using what they know of the vernacular language, they find the chief of the village and decide to start there.

Missionaries: "Who was that man there?"

Chief: "That was an enemy. We killed him and now we eat him. When we eat his heart we get his courage, when we eat his brain we get his intelligence."

Missionaries: "No! No! That's a very bad thing to do. And anyway you won't get anything from eating your enemies apart from loads of unhealthy cholesterol. We have come to teach you new things, which will benefit your community greatly."

Chief (unconvinced): "Such as?"

Missionaries: "Well, we'll start having Mass for starters."

Chief: "Mass??"

Missionary 1: "We will teach you the good news."

Chief: "Hmm"

Missionary 2: "We will learn love and forgiveness."

Chief: "Hmm"

Missionary 3: "We will eat the body and drink the blood of Jesus."

Chief (smiling): "Oh goodie!!!"

Missionary 4: "And you will get his salvation."

Chief: "Sounds good. Ok, we'll give it a try... but, er... who is Jesus?"

Missionaries: "The founder of our faith. He died almost 2,000 years ago"

Chief (to himself): "Ewww! And they're still eating?"
(aloud, to them) "Um, well ok... and who are you then?"

Missionaries: "We are his representatives, his inheritors. We carry on his good work."

Chief (relieved): "Oh I get it... ok then. When do we do this?"

Missionaries: "Every week, on Sunday."

(.......some months later.......)

To: The Pope

Your Holiness,

Our first experiment with your missionaries has been a great success. The whole village attends weekly mass, and has done so since the first celebration. The good news has been well received indeed.

Unfortunately our supplies are running low. In fact, only 2 legs remain of the first group of missionaries you sent us. We are therefore requesting another batch, preferably before my birthday, since I'd like to have an extra-special celebration on that day. Oh, and also some of that excellent red wine - it really goes down well with medium-rare missionary steak.

the Chief

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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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