The purpose of this ritual is to clear the area of all Elvis-negative
influences. This includes all that are not patriotic and all that are not
of White Trash at heart. Begin by facing in the direction of Graceland.
For easy reference, we shall call this East.
The Holy Cross of Elvis
- Visualize the infinitely bright light of a Las Vegas spotlight
descending upon you.
- Draw this Holy Light into your head, intoning: LOVE ME
- Point downward, hand over... personal privates..., intoning:
- Point to right shoulder. LOVE ME
- Point to left shoulder. TRUE
- Conclude by saying: Uh-huh.
The Four Direction of Elvis
- Facing East (Graceland), draw a bright, blue, sequined pentagram
in the air.
- Be sure to visualize the light reflecting off of the shimmering
sequins. Intone: Ehhhh
- Draw a pentagram to the south. Intone: Lllll
- To the west, intone: Vihhhhh
- To the north, intone: ssssss
- Between each of the above steps, you should make part of
a circle connecting each Pentagram. This circle should be made of the Light
of the Holy Las Vegas Spotlight.
The Four Elements of Elvis
- Imagine yourself bathed in the Holy Vegas Light. Face Graceland.
- Before you, imagine Elvis as a baby, containing his True
Elvis Potential. This is the Elvis of Air. Say: ELVIS, thou who were born
a King in Lowly Surroundings. Fulfill your potential. Be present with me
- Behind you, imagine the young man Elvis, on the brink of
Stardom. This is the Elvis of Water. Say: ELVIS, thou who art about to realize
your Kingliness among men. Fulfill that Potential. Be with me today.
- To your right, imagine Elvis in the prime of his career,
when he was making movies and the like. He thrusts his pelvis suggestively.
This is the Elvis of Fire. Say: ELVIS, thou who art leading us to Light.
Be with me today.
- To your left, imagine Elvis in his Las Vegas stage. He wears
sunglasses and is slightly pudgy. This is the Elvis of Earth. Say: ELVIS,
thou who didst die on the pot of an overdose. Be with me today.
Thus ends the Ritual.
This ritual should be repeated daily. If you wish, you may use Elvis
music in the background to aid your concentration. If you have an altar,
it should contain a Microphone Wand, a Microphone-Stand Dagger, an Elvis 45
Disc, and small porcelain toilet (Chalice).
May the Holy Light of Las Vegas Shine within you.
Love is the Law. Love under Rock & Roll.