The Teletubby
Beltane Ritual

Ritual Garb

For this rite each participant should take turns wearing The Skirt.

Sacred Space

The Tubbyphones blare out "Time for Teletubbies! Time for Teletubbies!".

A designated person then purifies the sacred space (later to be referred to as the Tubbytronic Superdome) with the Ritual Noo-noo, walking widdershins.

The other participants (if any) follow along behind, doing the Teletubby Conga as long as they want.

When the dancing stops, the Tubbytronic Superdome will have been erected.


Starting in the east (since teletubby ritual is only ever done when the Baby Sun has just woken up), the participants use the ritual hand gesture (waving the right hand in a friendly manner) and chant the invocation "Eh-oh, Laa-laa!". Then south is called (same gesture, invocation "Eh-oh, Po!"), then the west (same gesture, invocation "Eh-oh, Tinky-winky!"), then the north (same gesture, invocation "Eh-oh, Dipsy!").


The Teletubby Tradition has only one deity: the Magic Windmill ("The One"). Participants will invoke the deity by raising the right arm, pointing the index finger and intoning "Oooh!What's That?".

At this point the Sacred Energy from the Magic Pinwheel will rain down upon the worshipful throng and cause visions to appear on the participant's tummies (see "Navel Gazing").

Then shall the group rejoice greatly, engaging in song (Bup-a-tum and Oooh! are favorites).

Sometimes a flying carousel will manifest inside the Tubbytronic Superdome and an Avatar of the Magic Windmill, known as the Teddy Bear, will dance for the entranced worshippers, who are then encouraged to join in. The Falling Down Dance is a favourite.

The Great Rite

This ceremony is greatly simplified in this tradition. All participants gather in a circle, wrap their arms around each other and chant "BIG HUG!" as many times as they want.

Cakes and Ale

The traditional feast food is Tubby Toast.

It is also required to give offerings of Tubby Toast to the Magic Windmill by dropping Tubby Toast crumbs all over the floor, which will be collected later by the Ritual Noo-noo.

Farewell to Deities, etc.

The Tubbyphones will announce "Time for TubbyBye-bye! Time for TubbyBye-bye!".

Then the Deity and the Guardians are bid farewell as they leave for Teletubby Land, using the chant Bye-bye, again using the Ritual Gesture as in the Invocation.

The names of the Guardians are used in the farewell also, starting in the west (where the Baby Sun sleeps) and moving widdershins.

Once farewells have been said the participants use the Ritual Gesture and the "Bye-bye" chant to bid each other farewell, taking down the Tubbytronic Superdome in the process. (In a close-knit group "BIG HUGS!" may also be used, but only if the members are already comfortable with this level of intimacy.)

Thus is the Rite ended.

by Laa-laa Bunny

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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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