Signs That You're Watching
A Bad Horror Movie

  1. One of the zombies looks an awful lot like Keith Richards.

  2. It has more than three Wayans brothers in it.

  3. That new green ketchup just doesn't make as realistic blood as its red variant.

  4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 6 just isn't as scary with Leatherface wielding a Palm Pilot instead of a chainsaw.

  5. Renting of Yellowstone Park for 3 days of filming: $30,000 Sandwiches for the entire crew all three days: $1500 15 minutes of simulated sex between the hot teenage stars to add to the collection: Priceless.

  6. The movie is almost over and Pauly Shore is still alive.

  7. The hockey mask on the murderer looks suspiciously like a tortilla with the mouth and eye holes chewed out.

  8. "I see dumb people."

  9. The guy with the large knife would be horrifying -- if he'd just get out of that damn sand trap and start chasing someone.

  10. You find yourself wondering which hideously deformed mutant zombie will be voted out of the farmhouse.

  11. You decide to sneak into the Pokeman movie next door so it won't be a total waste of nine dollars.

  12. Raspy voice on the phone saying "Get OUT... of the... HOUSE!!" is the landlord carrying out an eviction.

  13. Villain's Weapon of Choice: Melon Baller

  14. Too much gratuitous gore -- and too much gratuitous Lieberman, for that matter.

  15. Instead of spewing green slime everywhere and spinning her head around, the little "possessed girl" just makes a motorboat sound with her lips and rolls her eyes back and forth for a half hour.

  16. Brad and Janet fix their flat with a can of Cheez Whiz, drive right by the haunted castle and spend the night at a Motel 6.

  17. The main character executes his victims one by one -- then runs for President!

  18. The only ill effect of the teleportation device malfunctioning is that the mad scientist's socks are now mismatched.

  19. "Evil" Pikachu's goatee keeps falling off.

  20. You're fairly sure Hitchcock never combined a shower, a naked woman, and a bottle of chocolate syrup in quite that way.

  21. Jason's mask is made from the all new botanical aromatherapy line of clay from Crabtree & Evelyn and includes pore-reducers and exfoliating crystals.

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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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