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Prayer books contain nothing but show tunes.
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In church, they pass a "specimen plate."
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Their main prophet is scamming on your girlfriend.
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You must kneel and pray five times a day facing Redmond, Washington.
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The *only* food that you're allowed to eat is pork.
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"The first reading is from the Book of Newt..."
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Your position in the afterlife depends on how many cleaning products
you sell here on earth.
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Larry King's birthday is the High Holy Day for the year.
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Your new messiah claims to have fed the multitudes with a bucket of chicken,
some fries, and a Big Gulp.
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Even though they taste heavenly, you're pretty sure Malomars are not
a sacrament.
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All the commandments begin, "You might be a sinner if..."
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"Sinner of the Week" eligible for valuable prizes.
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Constant fear that the elders will discover the laptop you've got squirreled
away in the buggy shed.
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Frequency of circumcision increased from once in a lifetime to once a
year.
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Communion performed with tortilla chips and a shot of Cuervo.
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A goat is involved in worship in any way.