Signs That Your Parent Might Be A Witch

Your Mother Might Be A Witch If ...

  1. She uses a butterknife for an athame, so that it won't harm any little hands.

  2. She uses birthday candles; one, they are more economical; two, they can finish burning out by the time the child wakes up from their nap.

  3. She starts to chant to the tunes of nursery rhymes.

  4. When she invokes a Goddess, she first asks that the Goddess not wake up her child.

  5. She begins every spell with "Don't let the baby wake up before this spell is cast" and ends the spell with "Blessed be the Goddess for keeping the baby asleep! So mote it be!"

  6. When she wants to call the quarters she uses Legos; since they do come in blue, green, red and yellow. She simply builds a tower when calling the quarter, then kicks the tower over when she is finished.

  7. Her ceremonial clothes are anything in the house that is still clean.

  8. She uses essential oils on the baby wipes for her cleansing baths before rites.

  9. She replaces the cake and wine with milk and cookies.

  10. She has been seen talking to the cat. And the cat seems to understand.

  11. Instead of saying "bless you," when you sneeze, she says "blessed be."

  12. You are surprised when your classmates pull out aspirin for a head ache. Your mom always gave you bark to chew on.

  13. All of your baby food jars -- hundreds, it seems -- were recycled as candle-holders. 

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Your Father Might Be A Witch If ...

  1. He uses a screwdriver for an athame because everything in the house is falling apart.

  2. He chants spells before and while opening a box for the new toy; in hopes that the instructions are in English and that he can follow them.

  3. He now uses candles and wine as seduction tools for casting a circle around his wife; convincing her that he is invoking the Goddess within her.

  4. His book of shadows now consists of instructions on what to do when mom decides to take off for the day.

  5. He tells everyone they need haircuts; so secretly he can cast spells like: the baby will sleep the whole night through, and the wife will get her "before she was pregnant" sex drive back.

  6. He replaced wine and cake with beer and potato chips.

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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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