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You are out in the woods and the Horned God appears to you and it takes
you more than 30 seconds to put down your deer rifle.
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You've ever duct-taped an outhouse and called it a sweat lodge.
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You run out of candles and then get the emergency flares out of your
trunk.
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Your altar is made from the hood of an old Chevy pick-up.
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You begin your Circle by calling for quarters to be placed in the beer
fund jar.
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You enter a skyclad circle with the words, In Perfect Love and Perfect
Lust.
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You close a circle with the words "Hot damn, let's party!"
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You get most of your spiritual wisdom about the cycles of nature from
Bill Dance bass fishing shows.
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You watch NASCAR for its karmic revelation.
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Your ritual robes are made of weatherproof camouflage.
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Your revel fire causes the smokejumpers to fly in.
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The only herb you use has to be planted in the middle of nowhere.
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You think "The Reclaiming Collective" is a great name for a used automobile
parts business.
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Before you can use your ritual cauldron, you have to wash out the bones
from your fish stew.