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Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
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You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
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You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
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You sleep with your eyes open.
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You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
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You lick your coffeepot clean.
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Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
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The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
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You can type sixty words a minute with your toes.
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You can jump-start your car without cables.
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Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
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You don't sweat, you percolate.
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You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
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You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
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You've worn the finish off you coffee table.
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The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
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Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.
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You're so wired you pick up FM radio.
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Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
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Instant coffee takes too long.
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You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
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You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
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Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
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Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
- The only time you look like you're standing still is during an earthquake.