Scatotheology
(Religious Shit Happens)

Agnosticism

I don't know whether shit happens or not.

Apathism

I don't care if shit happens.

Atheism

There IS no shit.

Baha'i

Shit happens to everyone equally.

Baptist

Gonna wash this shit right outta my hair!

Branch Davidianism

This shit really burns me up.

Buddhism

If shit happens, is it really shit?

Calvinism

Shit won't happen if you work harder.

Cartesianism

I think, therefore shit happens.

Catholicism

If Shit happens, you deserve it.

Channeling

Now happening as Shit.

Christian Science

Shit only happens within your mind.

Church of England

Excrement transpires.

Church of the Sub-Genius

Well, shit, Bob!

Confucianism

Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Druidism

Shit happens in the woods.

Episcopalianism

Shit happened to my ancestors.

Evangelism

Will you accept shit happening into your heart?

Existentialism

What is the meaning of shit, anyway?

Fundamentalist

Convert to this shit or burn in some kind of hell.

Hare Krishna

Shit happens, Krishna Krishna, Shit happens, Rama Rama...

Heaven's Gate

Eat this shit and see the stars.

Hedonism

There is nothing like a good shit happening.

Hinduism

This shit has happened before.

Islam

If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Islam, Shi-ite

If Shit happens, take a hostage.

Jehovah's Witnesses

Knock, knock... shit happens.

Jim Jones

Drink this shit and die.

Judaism

Why does this shit always happen to us?

Mensa

The top 2% of shit happening.

Latter-day Saints

Shit happens again and again and again.

Lutheranism

Here shit happens; God help me, I can do no other.

Methodism

Shit happens; support group available.

Moonies

Only happy shit really happens.

Mormonism

You must look closely at the turd.

New Age

Shit is the Goddess.

Nihilism

No shit!

Paganism

Earth, air, fire, water, shit.

Presbyterianism

This shit happens to be too dear.

Protestantism

Let shit happen to somebody else.

Psychic

Saw shit coming; got hit from behind.

Puritanism

Shit happens with our permission.

Quaker

Get thy shit together, Friend.

Rastafarianism

Let's smoke this shit.

Rationalist

What is this shit?

Roman Catholicism

Christ died for your shit.

Santeria

Don't even think of shitting on me!

Satanism

Sneppah tihs.

Schrödingerism

Shit does not happen until you observe it.

Scientific Methodism

Skatole-bearing anomalies materialize.

Scientology

Does shit happen? (See page 469).

Shintoism

Farts happen.

Seventh Day Adventism

No shit happens on Saturdays.

Southern Baptist

We don't like this shit. We're gonna boycott it.

Stoicism

This shit happens to be good for me.

Subgenius

Praise Bob! Give me slack or give me shit (or kill me).

Taoism

Shit happens.

Televangelism

Send all your money or shit will happen.

Transcendental Meditation

7000 meditators make harmonious shit happen.

Unitarianism

Shit happens; discussion at 2:00 pm.

United Church of Canada

Let us all share equally in shit happening.

Weight Watchers

You pay for excess shit at weigh-in.

Wicca

Shit happens to be good fertilizer.

Zen

What is the sound of shit happening?

Zoroastrianism

Shit happens half the time.