The author of Plastic Jesus is unknown, and he probably wants to stay
that way.
The first four verses above were collected by Ernie Marrs, corrected
for meter and sense, and published in Sing Out! magazine v14#2.
There is a recording by Ernie Marrs and the "Marrs
Family" (Kay
Cothran and Bud Foote), made in 1965 in Ernie's garage apartment
on 10th Street in Atlanta. It is on CD in "The Best of Broadside
Magazine" collection on
disk 4 track 19.
There is also a recorded version from the same time-period by the Goldcoast
Singers (Ed Rush & George Cromarty) -- Here The Are..., World-Pacific
1806 -- which was a humorous ad spoof. The intro from that recording is
as follows ...
This song is based on an incident, a recent incident; maybe you've
had the same experience. Driving along a very busy street, in the afternoon
traffic, with honking and screaming and scraping of fenders and sweating
and swearing and dust and noise and heat, and you're just glued to the
wheel, and it's horrible, and the honking, and somebody's bumping into
your bumper. And then you look at the car next to you, and the guy that's
driving along next to you is all cool and calm, and he has an expression
of Buddha-like serenity plastered all over his face. And you wonder why
he is so serene. And then, possibly, you look to his dashboard, and there
you see, glowing in the afternoon sunlight, about a four-inch high plastic
icon that is apparently supplying this serenity to him. Maybe this is
how he heard about it and achieved this kind of satori.
*CLICK!*
- Spoken:
- Good morning, friends, this is the Hour of Reckoning.
- Sung:
- Hello, friends and neighbors, How do you do? We're here to pick and
sing And we hope we bring Some happiness to you.
- Spoken:
- Hallelujah, friends and neighbors, here we are from Del Rio, Texas,
every morning at five-thirty AM, brought to you by... by... the Pink
and Pleasant Plastic Icon Company of Del Rio, Texas, every morning at
five-thirty AM in the morning (hallelujah). Friends, now we have word
for you from our sponsor, the Pink and Pleasant Plastic Icon Company
of Del Rio, Texas (hallelujah)...
- Sung:
- I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car.
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.
- Spoken:
- (Hallelujah) friends, yes you too can own one, for only a dollar
and ninety-eight cents (no COD's, please), Del Rio, Texas. (Hallelujah)
And friends, if you send in this week two dollars and ninety-eight cents,
you'll get, in addition to your Pink and Pleasant Plastic Icon, you'll
get a gen-u-ine, stimulated, Pink, Plastic Baby Jesus Television Light
for your television set, with a halo that glows and rotates, easing
eye-strain, and bringing in better reception, and friends (no COD's,
please), and friends, if you do send in for this, this week, without
fail, and put in fifty cents extra for stamps, (hallelujah), you friends,
will receive, every day next week a different, a different member of
the Holy Family, with a halo that glows and rotates, a television light
antenna. Imagine, friends, the envy of your neighbors when they come
in to watch Mitch Miller at your house, and they see the en-tire Holy
Family, sitting on top of your television set, with their halos glowing
and rotating, easing eye-strain, and bringing in better reception. Friends
and neighbors (hallelujah), what better place for a family altar than
the top of your television set?
- Sung:
- You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell.
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.
(All together now!)
I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car.
*CLICK!*
There are many more verses in circulation -- some in the "oral
tradition" only. The last verse above is perhaps the most outrageous
of them, and is a great way to end the song.
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