Perverted Carols

The first noël the angels did say
To perverted shepherds in fields where they lay
Sheep and goats and camels, too.
In fact they'd molested the whole fucking zoo.

'll be stoned for Christmas.
You can toke with me
Please have "snow" and mistletoe"
And roaches 'neath the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the green stuff steams
I'll be stoned for Christmas
If only in my DT's

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Dementia - I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Manic - Deck the Halls & Walls & House & Lawn & Streets & Stores & Office & Town & Cars & Busses & Trucks & trees & Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get me!

Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

Tourette's Syndrome - Chestnuts...FUCK YOU! ...roasting on...BITE ME! an open fire...ASSHOLE!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

Autistic - Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock

Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House In My Slippers and Robe

Oppositional Defiant Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate