Pagan Standard Time is a trait peculiar to Pagans, and ranges in
length from being late for a Circle, to not showing up at all. A Pagan who
is less than two hours late is considered "on time" just like the
Long Island Railroad.
With nearly a million Pagans in the United States, and twice as many
in the rest of the world, we believe it's high time a clock was designed
which would show time the way Pagans are used to seeing it. And so, this
proposal from the Witches' Annual editors for:
It has these special features:
- The seconds hand is eliminated, since no Pagan works on THAT tight a
- Pagan Standard Time is measured by an extra hand, which moves at about
half the speed of the hours hand.
- There are 13 hours on the dial, thus making two exta hours in the day
for Pagans who are always too busy to do anything.
- Hours 5 through 8 have been eliminated, since any Pagan at that time
is a) alseep, b) just getting to sleep, c) just waking up, d) too busy,
or e) unavailable.
- To be sure that a Circle will begin on the stroke of Midnight, there
are two extra Midnight hours.
- For Pagans who begin Circles at 9 o'clock, there are two extra ninth
hours. Also two extra tenth hours for late arrivals.
- Since there is no eleventh hour, there is no need for the Pagan to rush.
There are no deadlines to meet, there is no "last chance," and
the consistent goof-off will never have to face the music.
A decorator model of the Pagan Standard Time Clock, mounted in a genuine
Giant Land Snail shell, will be available as soon as we get around to it.
from the Witches' Annual, published
by Arcane Crafts, Box 383, Mastic Beach New York,11951