A new priest giving his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor if he had some advice for how to combat the nervousness.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded with the sermon.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following email from the Monsignor:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy-O, J.C. and the Spook.
5) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
6) And next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.