Lightbulb Jokes


How many "Dungeons & Dragons" Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fourteen: 3 Priests to cast the Triune Spell of Lightbulb Transfiguration +5, 2 Apprentices to handle the robes and herbs for the spell, 4 to complain about how much easier it was before the 3rd edition rulebook was released, and 5 Min-Maxing Barbarians to fight the ravenous zombies in the lightbulb cabinet.


How many Mjolnir-wearing, racial-slur-spouting, skinhead "Odinists" does it take to change a lightbulb while an Asatruar is in the room?

"Odinist": One, as long as it's a white bulb.

Asatruar: Turn off the lights and give me my hammer. I want to maim him.


How many Dianic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's W-I-M-M-I-N, and that's not funny!


How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

15 -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...


How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.


How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

Not sure... We'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!


How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?

501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.


How many Druids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in Stone Circles.


How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Thirteen: one to hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin.


How many years does it take a Druid to change a lightbulb?

21, unless you're Irish.


How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!


How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Ask your OWN grandmother!


How many British Traditional Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.


How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?

It's a third degree secret.


How many years does it take a Gardnerian to change a light bulb?

A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.


How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?

"Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"


How many years does it take an Alexandrian to change a light bulb?

That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.


How many solitary Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

Duh!


How many years does it take for a solitary Witch to change a light bulb?

How long does it take to get one out of the closet?


How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?

Already changed.


How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."


How many Discordians does it take to change a light bulb?

"How many have we got?"


How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five Tons.


How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A blue fish Tuesday.


How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored German machine tools.


How many Discordians does it take to change a lightbulb?

325ºF for 45 minutes.


How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. One for each direction.


How many Buckland Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

"Refer to Practical Light Bulb Changing by Raymond Buckland..."


How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that lightbulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.


How many Thelemites does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • None, Every One of them is a Star.
  • 93
  • 2: One to actually change the bulb, the other to record it on their record.
  • Crowley never wrote a book about it.
  • It's a secret known only to the Second and Third grades.
  • At least 2, but it has to be in accordance with everyone's will.
  • None. The altar will suffice; I mean really, screwing in a lightbulb of all places?

How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

What do you want it changed into?


How many Witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they do it in Great Rites.


How many Golden Dawners does it take to change a light bulb?

One to hold the ladder, one to hold the bulb, three to decipher the Light Bulb Ritual from the Secret Chiefs, one to publish it, and one to sue all the others.


How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw on the altar!


How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but they have to be very small!


How many Tantrics does it take to change a light bulb?

2 as long as the lamp is by the bed...


How many Ceremonial Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.


How many Kabbalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

261.


How many Alchemists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change it into what?


How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.


How many Tauruses does it take to change a light bulb?

What, me move?


How many Geminis does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

That's lame!

OK... Only one, but good luck keeping their attention that long.


How many Cancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he has to bring his mother.


How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?

A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.


How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?

One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.


How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?

Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.


How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They LIKE the dark.


How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?

One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.


How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?

The light's fine as it is.


How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?


How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?

What light bulb?


How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?

"Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"


How many New-Agers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change it and four to share the experience!


How many New-Agers does it take to change a light bulb?

"We don't use light bulbs, we just think happy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow."


How many years does it take for a New-Ager to change a light bulb?

Well, it takes many many years, unless you pay $650 US non-refundable, Visa or MC accepted. Then you can do it after the weekend intensive training seminar.


How many New-Agers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just join self-help groups to learn to live with darkness in their lives.


How many Odinists does it take to change a lightbulb?

21, one to hold the light bulb, 20 to drink till the world spins.


How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry... what did you ask me?


How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that damned stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover...

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

German Shepherd: All right, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light? I SAID "STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!"

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?


How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

1,331:

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb

203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.


How many Correllian Witchschool.com witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

  1. Anyone can complete an online program to learn about light bulbs for free, but if you want to learn how to change a light bulb it will cost $49.95
  2. Only the family of elders can ever change a lightbulb
  3. Not everyone has to beleive in light bulbs because we are an inclusive tradition
  4. All of the above, none of the above, or one of the above

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

I forget... To get to the other side?


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