I Am The Very Model of a Modern Esoteriscist

by Bill Beattie, from Shadowplay
The tune of "I am the very model of a modern major general"

I am the very model of a modern esotericist,
A seasoned astral traveler and an edifying exorcist,
A sparkling star astrologer, a dead adroit necromancer.
A dab hand as a palmist and a card as a Tarotmancer.
I've folk tradition lineage-both Celtic and Germanical;
I've channelled Robert Heinlein and I've busted cults Satanical;
Elusively mysterious in Eleusinian Mysteries,
I've proven eighty-three per cent of Velikovsky's histories.
My patent aphrodisiacs would make a satyr hornier;
I've manufactured unicorns in northern California.
In short, in matters magical I'm manic as a terrorist;
I am the very model of a modern esotericist!

I am the very model of a modern esotericist.
My mystic methodology's inherently empiricist;
I've tread the Cretan labyrinth on pathways that I travel on;
I won't deny the rumors that I ghostwrote Mists of Avalon.
A truly great Great Riter and a master of tantrickery,
I'm up the Shining Pathways til the Guardians are sick of me.
I dazzle Neo-Pagans as I breakdance round the Wicca ring
And, miracle of miracles, I even stop them bickering!
I've raised the ghost of Crowley in a Gnostic Mass invoking in
Sumerian, Bavarian, Etruscan and Enochian.
I'd sing another chorus, but I have to see my therapist;
I am the very model of a modern esotericist!

Taken from the Green Egg vol. XXIV no.95

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