How To Survive A Camping Trip

  1. Avoid empty cabins that aren't yours, it's not worth the rent money.

  2. If you insist on entering old cabins, don't go in the cellar.

  3. Don't turn on any tape recorders that have homemade tapes in them.

  4. Don't go into the woods.

  5. Kill anyone who comes back from the woods.

  6. If forced to choose, take the shotgun over the chainsaw.

  7. Chainsaws make good hand replacements.

  8. Don't allow any qualms about chopping up your girl; it just makes it more difficult when the time comes.

  9. Worksheds are your friend.

  10. Immediately kill anyone with bib overalls on, as it saves massive amounts of future strife.

  11. Don't break mirrors.

  12. Remember EVERY syllable of words that prevent the end of the world.

  13. Count right. If you think you might be off, err on the side of less; you can always take some more.

  14. 73 Deltas make excellent weapons of war.

  15. If you have doubts about the girl's evilness, dismember her right away; it saves much time that you'll need later.

  16. If faced with your evil alter ego, dismemberment isn't enough, go the extra mile, and burn!

  17. Abandoned windmills are just as bad as abandoned cabins, and should be avoided as such.

  18. Good jewelry makes your girlfriend happy, cheap jewelry keeps you alive, and good.

  19. When in doubt, shoot it, then dismember it, then burn it. Repeat as necessary.

-- by Harry Breitenbach

  1. Always keep shotgun shells in your shirt pocket, they never run out when stored there.

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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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