How To Know You're A Beserker In Modern Society


  1. You won't buy a suit unless it'll go with a wolf-skin belt.

  2. You challenge your next-door neighbor to holmgang to get his pool.

  3. You can't pass through fire with impunity, but you can walk through the alleys off 40th St. in Manhattan with no ill effect.

  4. You wear a 20-lb. sledgehammer from Home Depot around your neck.

  5. When the cable company comes to the door, you answer it and say "I wot that I hung on the telephone pole for 9 hours, neither cable did they bring me, nor a descrambler. Screaming did I grasp the premium channels..."

  6. You may not be able to physically assume the form of a bear, but you hang out in online furry fetish groups a lot.

  7. You keep a loaded crossbow in your car in case someone cuts you off during rush-hour.

  8. You coat your body in Rogaine instead of woad.

  9. When you play "Gauntlet" your heart skips a beat when someone puts a quarter in the slot for Valkyrie.

  10. You look forward to drinking ale with Ernest Borgnine in Valhalla when you die ("Hail Ragnar's Beard!").

-- contributed by Joseph Bloch.


Click here to submit ideas for new entries to the list.


Click here to view site policies.

Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

Pledge your donations here.
100% of all donations to Turoks.Net will be spent on having a good time.