Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of the amateur.
Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your
god's name in the privacy of your room before chanting it in public. Flash
cards are often helpful.
Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight, you're just asking
Citronella candles may *not* be used in rituals. I cannot stress this
enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons
to the Dark Lords.
Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife,
thuggee knife, service revolver, garlic, Yellow Sign, cabfare, condoms,
*Never* be the cultist that goes to rough up the investigator. Ransacking
hotel rooms is probably safe, but going 'round to beat up the good guys
is a sure route to the bottom of the Thames.
When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the cult leader. Enraged
demons always go for the pompous.
If you do gloat, never reveal your plans.
If you gloat and reveal your plans, never leave the investigators to
die slowly. They don't.
If you gloat, reveal your plans, and leave the investigators to die slowly,
don't have the audacity to look surprised when they show up to foil you.
Investigators always show up at the last moment to foil you. Start a
half-hour early, they hate that.
Select ceremonial robes that are easy to run in while still affording
Never fuck with anything whose genetic structure you do not feel absolutely
Never admit to having fucked anything whose genetic structure you didn't
feel absolutely comfortable about.
When a religious artifact begins emitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands
of cultists could be saved every year if they'd just remember this simple
When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles.
During ritual sacrificing, taking bits home for later is now generally
considered bad form.
Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When
the shit comes down it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between
the gibbering monstrosity to throw the holy water on and the gibbering
monstrosity that will go away after a few hours, some B-complex, and a
good hot bath.
Never play strip Tarot.
Piety and belief are powerful things, and few forces in nature can stand
against one who is true to his faith, his god, and his soul. However, it
is also true that God is on the side of the heaviest artillery, so be prepared
to change sides at the drop of a hat.
For those situations where a fresh, living sacrifice is just not feasible
or even possible, the lower ranks of demons can be fooled by microwaving
a previously frozen chunk of ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. However,
a mock-victim sculpted from Spam will be all right too.
Try not to impale your high priest with your ceremonial dagger. Not only
is this bad form, but it will ensure that you are the next sacrificial
Never join your life force to anything with red glowing eyes.