God's Billboards

You know how some churches put up billboards with clever quotes supposedly from God? Don't you think they need to lighten up? So do I. Below are some suggestions.

  1. You've been coveting again, haven't you?

  2. Sure, *you're* going straight to hell, but there's still hope for your kids.

  3. Give me your money or I call your dog home.

  4. Pray! You! Get onto my cloud!

  5. Go back home now! Your wife's naked and Javier just pulled into the driveway.

  6. Criminy, I invented the orgasm! What else do ya want?!?

  7. No, I wasn't on your team's side, you wife-beating cokehead.

  8. Wanna see a miracle? Pull my finger!

  9. You realize that your dead grandma watches every time you pleasure yourself, don't you?

  10. Yo, dudes, J.Lo is a false idol.

  11. An honor student, eh? Well *my* son rose from the dead, Chester.

  12. Can you hear me NOW? Good!

  13. That Madonna-kissing-Britney thing? My idea.

  14. If I'm your co-pilot, maybe you could go back and help with the meals for the rest of this flight.

  15. You're going to hell! Ask me how.

  16. Guest hosting for God this week: Merv Griffin.

  17. Sacramental wine counts as "hair of the dog."

  18. Stop that fighting or I'll turn this planet around right now!

  19. My son has no middle name, let alone initial. If you're gonna blaspheme, get it right.

  20. You say "vengeful." I prefer "feisty."

  21. Actually, on the seventh day I went to Wal-Mart.

  22. Change your ways. Or don't you consider telemarketers a pestilence?

  23. Okay, she's *not* pregnant. You owe me.

  24. I made you in my image -- so pull up those pants, you little punks!

  25. Yes, that's still a sin, spank-boy.

  26. Yo, Robertson, Falwell and Schuller! You bitches better have my money!

  27. Try our Eucharist! Now with new Cool Ranch Body-of-Christ!

  28. Hey, I got Limbaugh off the air for a month -- the least you can do is worship me.

  29. Don't MAKE me come down there!

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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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