Dog Letters to God


Dear God,
Since 'dog' spelled backwards is 'god', am I your mirror image?


Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?


Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?


Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!


Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


Dear God,
When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like musk! What's he been rolling around in?


Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have onramps?


Dear God,
If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?


Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.


Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?


Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?


Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.


Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?


Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?


Dear God,
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?


Dear God,
I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the cats here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my self-esteem.


Dear God,
The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does PetsMart sell lie detectors?


Dear God,
Any chance that if I get into heaven, I could possibly roll around in the yard?


Dear God,
I am sure you had a purpose for cats and fleas. I am just not sure was it is yet.


Dear God,
Are you affiliated with Santa Claws? I've been a good dog but all I ever get for Christmas is a bath and a dumb bow to wear around my neck. If you know Santa, could you put in a good word about "Furry Murray" Rodowsky? I really like bacon flavored treats... you know the kind.


Dear God,
Is it just a coincidence that your name spelled backwards is dog?


Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

  1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
  3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
  4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
  9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
  11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
  12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
  13. I will not throw up in the car.
  14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
  15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
  16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
  17. I must remember to lick my butt after I lick their face, not before.

Dear God,
Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 17?


Dear God,
May I have my balls back?


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Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

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