Dear [Holly/Oak] King


[Date]

Dear [Holly/Oak] King,

We regret to inform you that your request for an extended lease on your present living quarters has been once again denied, and you are therefore required to vacate the premises by [June 21/December 22] at the latest. We here at Celestial Machineworks, Inc., extend our sympathies regarding your kingdom's recent takeover by the [Oak/Holly] King; however, if we may be frank, doesn't getting kicked in the ass by your brother, every single year since the beginning of time, get old after a while?

Please be prompt in moving your personal property so that the Touch-up Crew can ready the place for the new occupant. We regret having to be so pushy in this matter, but you know how the Big Lady gets if things fall behind schedule. We appreciate your business, and we hope that when you visit this part of town again, you'll remember our service and choose Planet Earth as your home away from home. Oh, and if you happen to pass by Hades on your way out, tell him [Demeter sends her curses and swears this time she's going to kill you when you come back out again./Persephone left her hairbrush in the bathroom, will you hold onto it for her?]

Sincerely,

[Signature]

for Celestial Machineworks, Inc.


cc: [Oak/Holly] King


Form Letter 517-HORN(a)

By James Robson [aka the Gnostic]


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