Creation Stories


One day, in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God: "I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve," came the reply from above.

"I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man'?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your - ah - physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your help to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch?"

"Yeah, well... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first... So, just remember... it's our secret... Woman-to-woman!"




The Goddess was just finishing up the creaton of the universe and had a couple of left-over things left in her bag of creations, so she stopped by to visit Ask and Embla on Midgard.

The Goddess told the couple who she found hanging around under the World Tree, "I have a few things leftover. One of the things is the ability to stand up and pee. It's a very handy thing. I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."

Ask popped a cork. Jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or tending the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. I could drink all the mead I want and never have to leave. Oh please My Lady, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee).

Embla just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told the Lady that if Ask really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Ask were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was... well, good.

"Fine," the Lady said, looking back into her bag of left-over gifts. "What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."



God's Long Weekend


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