Bill Gates’s Book On Wicca


  1. The book would be called Windows to the Goddess.

  2. Iconology was be a major chapter.

  3. A revised edition would be released approximately every 6 months without which your magick would no longer work.

  4. Your broom would crash at least once a week.

  5. Cauldrons would be called recycle bins.

  6. A Book of Shadows would be called the Folder of Magick.

  7. A free high speed connection spell would come with ever book.

  8. Ever now and then, your circle would collapse and you would have to perform the reboot ritual to get it working.

  9. If you used the more powerful Magick Vista rituals, the above would happen to all circles within a 5 mile radius.

  10. At least once a month, you would have to reinstall your spells into your Folder of Magick.

  11. You would have to use a Start Ritual to exit your circle.

  12. Cake and wine would only be available after a sign from the Goddess saying it was safe to do so.

  13. Every once and a while there would be a warning saying "You have invited Typo Demons into your Spells. Please contact your local High Priestess immediately."

  14. At the most inopportune times, the magick would be interrupted by the "Blue Light of Death" and the ritual would have to be completely restarted.

  15. When accused of stealing major parts of your ritual from Scottish Tree Fruits of the Mac Intosh clan you deny it with great cries, breast-beating, and counter-accusations -- while immediately sending your acolytes to see what new fruit might have fallen from the Tree.


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