Bedtime Poems for Big Kids


MARY HAD A LITTLE PIG,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
His wool was black as soot
And into Mary's bread an jam
His sooty foot he put.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Its fleece was white as snow.
It followed her to school one day
And got fucked by a big black dog.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
Each on had a quarter
Jill came down with fifty cents
They didn't go up for water.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE
The cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very, very good.
But when she was bad...
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.

I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
Short and stout.
Here is my handle,
Here is my... oh shit, I'm a sugarbowl.

LITTLE MISS MUFFET
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said... "Watcha got in the bowl bitch?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And she beat the hell out of the spider with her spoon.

And, for people with an adult baby kink...
GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP,
Go to sleep my sweet baby.
Close your eyes, think lullabies,
Go to sleep my sweet child.
Rest your head upon your bed and
Remember what mommy says:
That she loves you higher than the sky and
You'll always have peaceful lullabies.


Click here to submit ideas for new entries to the list.


Click here to view site policies.

Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

Pledge your donations here.
100% of all donations to Turoks.Net will be spent on having a good time.