Bears In The Woods

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking along side the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He Turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!"

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:

"You deny My existence for all of these years; teach others I don' t exist; and, even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect Me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a believer now, but perhaps could you make the bear one?"

"Very well," the voice said.

The light went out.

The river ran again.

And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped its right paw... brought both paws together... bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Frank got a new hunting rifle as a gift and he was excited to try it. So he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. He went over to inspect his trophy. Just then there was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a six foot tall black bear looking him in the eye.

The black bear said "Big mistake Frank. You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex." Frank decided that he would rather live so he bent over. It was terrible. Frank couldnt sit down for two weeks. As soon as he recovered he vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip. He tracked down the black bear and shot it. Just then there was another tap on his shoulder. This time an eight foot grizzly bear stood looking down at him. The grizzly said "That was a big mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. It was horrible. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally recovered.

Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a ten foot kodiak bear towering over him.

The kodiak bear said "Frank, admit it. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

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