Nine Inch Will Please A Lady

by Robert Burns
in The Merry Muses of Caledonia

Come rede me dame, come tell me dame,
My dame come tell me truly;
What length o'graith, when weel ca'd home
Will sair a woman duly?"
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready -
I learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.

But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
In sooth, we're nae sae gentle;
We'll take tway thumb-bread to the nine,
And that's a sonsy pintle:
O leeze me on my Charlie lad
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie!
Tway roarin handfu's and a daud,
He nidge't it in fu' rarely.

But weary fa' the laithron doup
And may it ne'er be thrivin!
Its no the length that maks me loup,
But it's the double drivin.
Come nidge me, Tam, come nudge me Tam,
Come nidge me o'er the nyvel!
Come louse & lug your battering ram,
And thrash him at my gyvel!

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