Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station
Moonlight always makes me think of you.
If you want to pass some water
Simply call the pullman porter.
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule.
If the porter isn't here
Try the platform in the rear.
The one in front is likely to be full.
When you have to pass some water,
Do it in the place you oughter.
Please, don't use my hat,
and be a pal.
Picture, please, your consternation,
And your righteous indignation,
If you found your hat a urinal.
If the ladies' room be taken
Never feel the least forsaken
Never show a sign of sad defeat.
Just try the men's room 'cross the hall
If some man has heard the call
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.
When you have a natural purge,
Of after you have had a purge,
The management requests you learn the art,
Of using roses or wisteria,
Twixt the parts of your posterior,
Guaranteed to camouflage a fart.
If these efforts all are vain
Simply break a window pane
This novel method's used by very few.
We go strolling through the park
Goosing statues in the dark
If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you?
Nothing ever looks much better,
Than a girl who wears a sweater.
Though she may not be as big as she appears.
Remember, boys, before you wed her,
Best investigate the sweater,
Or your wedding night might end in tears.