Cats on the Rooftop

Tune: John Peel


CHORUS:
Cats on the rooftop, cats on the tiles,
Cats with the clap and cats with piles,
Cats with their arseholes wreathed in smiles,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

When you wake up in the morning with the devil of a stand,
From the pressure of the liquid on the seminary gland,
If you haven't got a woman, use your own horny hand,
As you revel in the joys of masturbation.

When you wake up in the morning with your penis in your hand,
And you have a funny feeling in your seminary gland;
If you cannot get a woman, try to get a clean old man,
As you revel in the joys of copulation.

When you wake up in the morning and you're feeling full of joy,
But your good wife isn't willing and your daughter's gone all coy;
Then you've got to use the arsehole of your second eldest boy,
As you revel in the joys of copulation.

When you wake up in the morning with a ten inch stand,
And there isn't any woman in the whole damned land;
Then there's nothing else to do but to take it in your hand,
As you revel in the joys of masturbation.

The Regimental Sergeant Major leads a miserable life,
He can't afford a mistress and he doesn't have a wife,
So he puts it up the bottom of the regimental fife,
As he revels in the joy of fornication.

When you find yourself in springtime with a surge of sexual joy,
And your wife has got the rags on and your daughters rather coy,
Then jam it up the jacksie of your favorite choirboy,
As you revel in a smooth ejaculation.

The Australian lady emu when she wants to find a mate,
Wanders round the desert with a feather up her date,
You should see that feather, when she meets her destined fate,
As she revels in the joys of fornication.

The poor domestic doggie, on his chain all day,
Never gets a chance to get himself a lay,
So he licks himself in a frantic way,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The labors of the poofter find but little favor here,
But the morally leprous bastard has a peaceful sleep, I fear,
As he dreams he rips a red-un up some dirty urchin's rear,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The dainty little skylark sings a very pretty song,
He has a ponderous penis fully forty cubits long,
You should hear his high crescendo, when his mate is on the prong,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The whale is a mammal, as everybody knows,
He takes two days to have a shag, but when he's in the throes,
He doesn't stop to take it out; he piddles through his nose,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Little Mary Johnson will be seven next July,
She's never had a naughty, but she thought she'd like to try,
So she took her daddy's walking stick and did it on the sly,
As she reveled in the joys of fornication.

The poor old rhinoceros, so it appears,
Never gets a grind in a thousand years,
But when he does, he makes up for arrears,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

In Egypt's sunny clime, the crocodile,
Gets a flip only once in a while,
But when he does, it floods the Nile,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The wild boar in the mud all day,
Thinks of the sows that are far, far away,
And the corkscrew motion of half a day,
As he revels in the joys of masturbation.

Now a funny old fish is the old sperm whale,
With a funny little diddle tucked beneath his tail,
And he rides his missus in the teeth of a gale,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Now I met a girl who had a great rear,
And she gave me a dose of gonorrhea,
Fools rush in where angels fear,
As I reveled in the joys of fornication.

Long-legged curates grind like goats,
Pale-faced spinsters shag like stoats,
And the whole damn world stands by and gloats,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The ostrich in the desert is a solitary chick,
Without the opportunity to dip its wick,
But whenever it does, it slips in thick,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The ape is small and rather slow,
Erect he stands for a foot or so,
So when he comes its time to go,
As he revels in the joy of fornication.

The flea disports among the trees,
And there consorts with whom he please,
To fill the land with bastard fleas,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The elephants cock is big and round,
A small one scales a thousand pound,
Two together rock the ground,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The camel likes to have his fun,
His night is made when he is done,
He always gets two humps for one,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The donkey is a lonely bloke,
He hardly ever gets a poke,
But when he does he lets it soak,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Poor old bovine, poor old bull,
Very seldom gets a pull;
But when he does, the cow is full,
As he revels in the joys of copulation.

Poor little tortoise in his shell,
Doesn't manage very well;
But when he does he fucks like hell,
As he revels in the joys of copulation.

The orangutan is a colorful sight,
There's a glow on its ass like a pilot light,
As it jumps and it leaps in the night,
As it revels in the joys of fornication.

The hippopotamus, so it seems,
Very rarely has wet dreams,
But when he does he comes in streams,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The oyster is a paragon of purity,
And you can't tell the he from the she,
But he can tell and so can she,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

A thousand verses all in rhyme,
To sit and sing them seems a crime,
When we could better spend our time,
Reveling in the joys of fornication.


Click here to submit ideas for new verses for this song.


Click here to view site policies.

Last Updated 19-Aug-2016   Sitemap

Pledge your donations here.
100% of all donations to Turoks.Net will be spent on having a good time.